ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I need a beard to bite.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
