I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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