I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
