nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
