we have pet lesbian snakes
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
