Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
