I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
