Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
