my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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