Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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