yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just forgot I was standing up.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
