I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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