i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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