dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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