I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
