How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
