how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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