u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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