1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
