NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
