I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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