it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
