walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
