So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Be still, my beating vagina.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
