Non-Jews are for practice
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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