Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i came on her dog
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
