This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
