we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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