so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
