Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
