You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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