Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
