She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
