i think my tv is drunk
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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