We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
