So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
