you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
