the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
