matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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