He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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