He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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