How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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