the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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