im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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