I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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