it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
