It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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