Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
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