i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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