and you said cock pushups were impossible
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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