He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
