would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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