in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
