I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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