Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
