Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
