Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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