I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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