isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
and you fell through a lawn chair
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