the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
